Ourdemise's Blog

Who is this person who keeps sending me longs replys to my posts? I am so confused. Who are you?

Start Uni next week – Start life next week.
School done. Through with dropkicks and jerks.

Time for things to turn around, for things to go good because I’m sick of them not. None of you are that fantastic and I should never have let you get to me. New year and new beginnings. Time to let go of so much. Because everything is only just beginning…

I met you and now I don’t want to be here. I want you to be here or me to be there. It was quick and I don’t know you too well. But I miss you already and I want to be back there. This place is a dead end.

If home is where the heart is then i’m homeless..

No matter how much I do or say, it can;t ever be enough. I never reach your fucking unreachable standards. Get a fucking clue.  I can’t wait to get out of this place. You have no idea how crippling you can be. Lighten up, it’s fucking ridiculous and I am so, so sick of it.

I hate how you think you are alternative and different. I hate how you think by not conforming to one group your suddenly special and unique. Not conforming is a sense of conforming in itself. No matter how much someone says they don’t care what anyone thinks about them, they do. Maybe not as much as others, but they still do. We are all programmed to have something inside us that craves acceptence to a certain degree. I’m not saying we all want to fit in or be the same, but there is a part none of us can deny that craves acceptence. Yet there are so many “alternative” people out there who like to act as if they don’t give a fuck what you or anyone else thinks about them. But tell me why they listen to what they do, eat what they do (or don’t eat more specifically), wear what they do, wear the shoes they do and “act” the way they do – that is like SO many others?

Really, we’re all weirdos in one way or the other, but we’re not all that different from the next person. I really can’t handle people that think they are soo different from the ‘norm’ because they really, really aren’t. Most of you are worse then this so called ‘norm’ cause you all think you are some fucking amazing thing that is soo much better than everyone else. You watch and read ‘important’ things and you say and write ‘important’ things. Yeah? You keep telling yourself that. You are just like everyone else. And you fucking suck.

Hannah and I say no to spooning. It’s not normal and natural. It’s awkward and uncomfortable. I have my space and you have yours, we don’t share that space, ever. Okay. I don’t even see why it was ever invented. Who enjoys it. Seriously. It’s not okay, ever.

Kind of end of a chapter. Finally done with the germs that were surrounding me at pbc. It was a huge week and I am more than glad I did it. The craziest, dumbest yet best shit went down and I wont forget it for a very long time. Never will we get another week to be so utterly free and irresponsible. But a week was enough. Back to reality…

Let’s take a walk down memory lane…Forgive my nostalgic mindset for the moment!

Year 8 – new school, umberalla crew ruled – well we thought we did. Thought we run the place, until we had to scrub our pole in front of everyone. We thought footy boys were everything and that all that mattered was them noticing us. It was more than cool to have hook up competitions in the bushes at touch. It was even cooler to get caught by your mum and her car headlights. No shame at all! Dated Tim about one million times. Fights with Cinna and her crew, cause I was a homewrecker haha.  Monica and I spent hours and hours bridge jumping, drinking slurpees, going on adventures, dressing up in the most fucked up shit whenever we left the house. Nearly set Chenea’s kitchen on fire, won’t ever forget that!

Year 9 – More of the same, desperate attempts to win the hearts of the beautiful (makes me sick now) footy boys. So much stealthing nights with Chenea, Elise, Jessie and Anneliese. Inseperable. Highlight of every weekend was touch, because the footy boys were there and thats all that mattered. Ha ew. Stage age and carnivals were amazing, best times. Scariest night of our lives,  being chased by southside, caught by the cops, taken home in a paddywagon. All crying our eyes out, I thought I was tough, egged there car. Easily the dumbest thing I ever did. What a night but.

Year 10 – Everything changed. Wrote Brooke a letter told her I wanted to be her friend, became her friend. Lunches were all about shitting animals and showing off my winning dance moves haha. So much netball. Netball ruled and controlled my life. Grooves were the rage, getting drunk off passion pop in the public toilets before were a must. Kissing a disgusting amount of boys because we could became a weekly thing. Started hanging out with different people. Footy boys became less important, finally. Spent nearly every weekend with joey, who was a germ for me but I couldn’t get enough. Makes me laugh when I look back at that. So much fighting was caused over that, too funny. Always at Josies going to some disgusting tweed breed party, so dirty. Tits out for the boys, dicks out for the chicks everywhere. Cows at bus stops and other unspeakable moments. Thought we were invincible.

Year 11 – Completly different friends. Drifted from all my old friends. Now it was Sam, Cinna, Brooke, Viv, Tyson etc. All the time. No more footy, no more footy boys. They were ew. Got into my music so much, started to drift from people. Put in no effort at school, fucked up a bit. Played Netball every minute I was awake pretty much. So  much partying with the girls and guys, poker nights, truth or dare nights, nothing nights. Dirty parties, dirty people but good memories. Rachel and Charlotte came into my life, that changed everything forever.

Year 12 – Like no other year. Parties didn’t matter as much, music did. Lost touch with good people, gained touch with better people. Didn’t put enough effort into school, story of my life. Formed my wolf pack (sam, cinna and i), we took cocaine and got with strippers in the forest. I guess thats why they call it sin city here huh! Every weekend was shows and parties. I quit netball, worst decision I ever met. I became a fat sloth who lived off passion pop. Good times, like getting so wasted at darnys, spewing on liams car, ruining that. Awesome Carley. Got my licence – keys to my freedom. Drunken spa adventures on my balcony, alanis morrisette <3. Met Hannah, again changed everything. Got involved with a few boys who were never good for me. Spent too much time dwelling on deadbeats. Did youth Parliment which is easily the best week of my life. Changed me completely as a person. So I surived year 12. I got my scholarship to Bond. I got into double degree law/commerce. I am happy. I made it and I have the best memories. The best friends. The best future?

Sam, Luke and Jacynta – my three best friends. You got me through high school. Always and forever xo

Stop being so controlling all the time. Stop thinking I am always grumpy when it’s you are always shit. Stop thinking you always know what’s right for me, cause I know for a fact you don’t. Stop having to have so much say in my life, let me grow up. You think it brings us closer but it pushes us so far away. I find it hard to deal with you or have a conversation with you because I just want to punch you. I wish you coul see this.